I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
