I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
