We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
