His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize