i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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