Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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