Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
