i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
