is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
