Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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