Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
