Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
