Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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