We won't sleep together?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
