i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
