I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
