I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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