people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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