I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
