Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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