I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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