The maid of honor just puked.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
