Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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