I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
