Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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