She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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