I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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