I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
