You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
smell my finger.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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