My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just pee around me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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