oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
