I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
