so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
