I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
