the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
