Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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