I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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