Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
