The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
