So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
