so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
