life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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