hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize