Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
