So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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