Don't make out with my wife yet
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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