Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
