You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
