You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
