u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
two words: eviction party
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
