Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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