Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize