i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you had me at cake vodka
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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