So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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