I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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