hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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