what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize