i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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