I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
