He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
