If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
