Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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