apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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