Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
