hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He kissed a someone with a penis
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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