My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
