it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
