My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize