i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
