Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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